*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy
&
afraid of being
alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by
trying to
control you.
*FEAR OF INTIMACY -
Guarded &
often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show
his emotional
fragility. He's
often out of touch with his feelings,
reflexively
denying feelings he thinks
will "trap" or reveal him, like
love. He
picks fights to create distance.
*FEAR OF
COMPETITION -
Feeling inadequate, he
is unable to compete with
other men in work and
love. He may operate either
as a self-sabotaging
wimp with a pattern of
failure, or he'll be the tyrant,
setting himself
up as unassailable and perfect,
needing to eliminate any
threat to his
power.
*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell
a
p/a
man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it
for
you. But he won't say when, and he'll do it deliberately slowly just to
frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real
progress
he sees to your getting your way.
*FOSTERING
CHAOS - The p/a man
prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the
job
undone.
*FEELING VICTIMIZED -
The p/a
man
protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to
his own
misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the
apparently
hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and
tirades.
*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The
p/a man reaches as far as
he can
to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling
promises. As a way of
withholding information, affirmation or love - to have
power over you - the
p/a
man may choose to make up a story rather than
give you a straight
answer.
*PROCRASTINATION
- The p/a man has an
odd sense of time - he believes
that deadlines
don't exist for him.
*CHRONIC LATENESS &
FORGETFULNESS -
One
of the most infuriating & inconsiderate
of all p/a traits is his
inability to arrive on time. By keeping you
waiting, he sets the ground
rules of the relationship. And his selective
forgetting - used only when
he wants to avoid an obligation.
*AMBIGUITY -
He is master of mixed messages
and
sitting on fences. When he tells you
something, you may still walk
away
wondering if he actually said yes or no.
*SULKING
- Feeling put upon
when he is unable
to live up to his promises or
obligations, the p/a man
retreats from
pressures around him and sulks,
pouts and withdraws.

A passive-aggressive man won't have every single
one of these traits, but he'll
have many of them. He may have other traits
as well, which are not
passive-aggressive.

People with PAPD are
characterized by covert obstructionism, procrastination, stubbornness, and
inefficiency. Such behavior is a manifestation of passively expressed underlying aggression. In the DSM-IV the
disorder is also called negativistic PD.

PAPD patients characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate
performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they
depend; yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent
relationships. They usually lack assertiveness
and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to ask
needed questions about what is expected of them and may become anxious when
forced to succeed or when their usual defense of turning anger against
themselves is removed.